Feeling isolated, alone, undefended,
no self-esteem, a sense that one's needs will not
be met," no one's there," no trust, not entitled,
don't deserve anything, learned helplessness, despair,
can't manage one's emotions, lack of self-management,
no sense of appropriate feelings for situations,
no sense of what's right or wrong emotionally, difficulties
with identity, you don't get a sense of yourself
and who you might be. It doesn't matter what you
do -- it changes nothing.
Boundaries are a big issue, craving
for attention or difficulty in seeking out normal
attention, numbness or flat emotions, being developmentally
delayed, behavioural problems in school, suicidal
feelings, self-abuse, depression, may not know boundaries,
have difficulty sensing right & wrong, drug
and alcohol abuse, can't relate to others, lack
of social skills, eating problems, hoarding food,
constantly having accidents, problems with physical
health and illnesses; lack of connection, wanting
to be invisible, feeling you have no impact in the
world or negative attention seeking behaviour. Trying
to get what you couldn't get -- shoplifting, shopaholics,
gambling, drugs, alcohol.
Self-confidence is missing along
with the knowledge that I exist and I can do something
because I exist. A neglected kid might wonder if
he/she exists at all.
Child neglect affects physical, emotional
and cognitive development.
There are actually deep feelings
of pain due to lack of nurturing.
Whatever needs are
neglected in children we as a society will deal
with later Let's do it right the first time.
Neglect is a form of abuse that manifests itself
through ignoring or discrediting emotional and/or
Neglect leaves no visible physical scars but can
be emotionally devastating, leading to feelings
of abandonment, confusion, low self esteem and delayed
emotional development. If left alone the cycle can
continue and be passed on to the next generation.
Neglect is a historical phenomenon that crosses
social, economic and cultural boundaries and lines,
caused by the time and value we place on status
and possessions rather than on our children.
When our families, work places, communities and
governments take ownership of this issue, including
the education of people about the impact of neglect,
children become our priority. We must make time
to listen to, respect and value our children.
Any responsible adult
in a childs life has the responsibility for
ensuring that the child is cared for and grows up
The ugliness of my life
springs forth pain
Pain from neglect
Pain from wanting and needing
No love - only commands
The need for love
springs forth sorrow
Sorrow from loss
Sorrow from being alone
No attention - only abuse
The longing for attention
springs forth anger
Anger from the empty silence
Anger from the cruelty of touch
No beauty - only ugly
When a mother is never
What in life is ever fair
Believe in God, that's true,
the one I need is really you.
God does not abandon me
Mom, it wasn't he
There is conditions to your love
Not from God above
Mom, you have a chance to do what's right
You're too selfish to see the light
Your daughter is the victim, do you see?
You say " It's me ".
I'm a child, is it my fault
You have choices as an adult
Can you know how I feel?
Break an illusion that isn't real.
You never intend to protect me
It really is not to be
That monster, that man comes in the night
Mom, I can't scream, I try to fight
Where are you, Mom? Why aren't you here?
All these times, it's just not fair
Mom, you throw me away
Is your illusion here to stay?
What is Child Neglect?
Neglect can consist of ignoring needs, physical
or emotional neglect, distancing, inadequate supervision,
not ensuring enough schooling, discrediting the
Physical neglect can consist of a lack of provision
of proper food, shelter, clothing, nurturing or
the maintenance of good health and more.
can consist of a lack of encouragement, praise,
direct listening to the child, touch, babies left
in their cribs for long periods and more.
A lack of touch and affection can delay the
development of a healthy child, who needs affection,
hugs and to hear I love you often.
Neglect is a form of abuse!
Why does neglect happen?
Often parents dont realize that they are
neglectful. They may not know any differently,
especially if their own role models were similar.
They sometimes think that providing things
is enough, and forget about the caring. Neglect
is sometimes caused by the crossing of social
or economic lines.
Alcoholism or drug abuse may be a cause. The
alcoholic or drug abuser focuses intensely on
themselves and not their children or family.
Perhaps the parents have children and dont
want them. There may be a questioning of priorities,
such as time. Children may be left in daycare
for long hours.
This type of abuse may not be an intentional act
at times, when parents are working for survival,
especially single parents with limited resources.
Electronic media now provides for an easier state
of neglect, with children watching television
or videos for long periods of time.
Children who are victims of neglect often develop
negative self esteem, are abandoned, neglected and
may be emotionally delayed. They may turn to other
things, both positive and negative, in order to
meet their needs (drugs, alcohol, games, guns, street
For children this is a very confusing issue.
They dont know where they fit. There is
something lacking, and whatever they try to fill
the gap with, just isnt right. They do not
feel loved or worthy of love, and will often demonstrate
very negative behaviour in order to get attention.
Neglected children may develop passive aggressive
personalities. Through negative imprinting, they
learn by example, and often grow up to be abusive
There are often no
outward signs, physical or other of child neglect
(such as bruises), so children often internalize
the impact of neglect.
Child neglect is a family problem, not just a
Child neglect impacts
negatively on the average time a woman spends with
What to do about child neglect:
We must increase awareness of child neglect, and
provide education about prevention. People need
to be educated on many levels about options. Employers
need to be more aware (e.g. providing onsite daycare).
On a societal level, we must stop perpetuating
Neglectful parents must learn to value their
children instead of doing things to them that
they would not do to their property. Older role
models could be provided.
Why dont we have to take a parenting test?
Any responsible adult
in a childs life has a responsibility to ensure
that the child is cared for.
We must listen to
the children. They can and do communicate. Children
must be a priority.
What can a child do?
Children have choices. They can be enabled to
make a decision, an informed choice.
Neglect and abuse are not any childs fault.
Children often do not feel that neglect or abuse
is what it is, because it is their definition
They can be informed about what neglect is, and
how to draw a line between tough love and neglect.
How do we empower children to make healthy choices?
Children can find
someone that they trust and tell, (although sometimes
this makes things worse, so they must consider their
DePanfilis, Diane and Marsha K. Salus.
A Co-ordinated Response to Child Abuse and Neglect:
A Basic Manual. (Online) Available http://www.calib.com.nccanch/
Feldman, Maurice A., Laurie Case
and Bruce Sparks. Effectiveness of a Child-care
Training Program for Parents at Risk for Child Neglect.
Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, January
1992, vol. 24 no. 1, p.14-28.
Leach, Penelope. Children First:
What Our Society Must Do - and is Not Doing for
Our Children Today. New York: Knopf, 1994.
Mayhall, Pamela D. and Katherine
Eastlack. Child Abuse and Neglect: Sharing Responsibility.
New York: Wiley 1983.
Straus, Martha B. Abuse and Victimization
Across the Life Span. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University.
Swift, Karen J. Manufacturing Bad
Mothers: A Critical Perspective on Child Neglect.
Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1995.
Ethan, 2 years old
They are only children.
Love them all!
While we may not know
We must know
of each childhood.
Be patient with kids.
Love is all we need.
All of our precious
deserve to feel safe
I think it is
bad and wrong!!!
Kyle, age 11